Simple, stupid frustrations seem so much harder today than they should.
Today is weird and the weather is contributing a lot to this. I get a new Tornado warning message every few minutes and it’s raining so hard that the world around me is flooding. I like it. I’ve spent a good deal of this afternoon writing and it turns out I forgot how to. I really like new words and reading until my head hurts these days, but I cannot write. I forgot how to write creatively, how to write an email, and how to write a proposal.
I also realized today that I don’t really want to be here. It’s a reoccurring feeling and it’s never fun.
Overall, the first week back has been blurry, uncomfortable, and incredibly sad.
I’m adjusting poorly to being back and I’m ready to shake off the bad and move on. I have so very much to get excited about, but I’m not quite there. I can feel it coming though. . . .
I was thinking today about how I am a lot like my mother and I don’t really belong in any one group. I’d always thought I knew what I liked the most and the ways I should spend my days, but now I don’t even know! It turns out I just like far too many things and no matter how many lists I make, I’m just as clueless as ever!
That said, here’s to hazy Saturdays!
Here’s to being okay with feeling trapped (*like I did in this alley in Kathmandu) To listening to the same two songs on repeat, to making and revising lists, and to wild weather. . . And most of all, here’s to liking a lot and attempting to make sense of it all.