Transitions between cool and cold days | Blue is the only color I can see this January | Jordan Lake is lovely | Friends from far away places and places not too far | Nights are good | Work from the bed | Sometimes I wear hats | Hurt foot | CH // Carrboro life
More –> here.
Brother Sam and I drove back to CH//Carrboro yesterday. I got back and immediately tore apart my room, and made a bigger mess of everything than before. Hours later, a new room emerged and I collapsed in bed.
I fell asleep early and woke up feeling like a lot of things were possible this morning. Today has already been filled entirely with being BACK. Back to the mess, the fun, the long walks in the rain, the printing, the physical therapy and doctors appointments, the long chats with advisers, and the trying to get organized.
I took this photo of the taco truck beside my house last semester. I like this place and like taking photos with my film camera(s).
It feels good to be back. Even in the rain, the mud, and the quiet.
I have no idea what this season will bring. I feel that half of me has never been more ready and the other half is protesting . . . everything.
“Living is like tearing through a museum. Not until later do you really start absorbing what you saw, thinking about it, looking it up in a book, and remembering – because you can’t take it in all at once.” – Audrey Hepburn
Happy Monday. Stay warm everyone!
Yesterday on a bench outside on the most beautiful of all fall days, I asked J what I should do when I grow up. He tried to avoid the question and then with some hesitancy, said: an artist of sorts.
Later, I got this email:
When we talked today, I didn’t mean you should be an artist. Rather, you are an artist. I think it means seeing the world a certain way. With your own eyes. With eyes that are uncertain and curious.. . .“Living is a form of not being sure, not knowing what’s next or how. The moment you know how, you begin to die a little. The artist never entirely knows. We guess. We may be wrong, but we take leap after leap in the dark.” – Agnes de Miller
I’m currently working through my third year here . . . And, if I had done things right (* er, not abandoned school for a year), I’d be graduating in May.
Happy and thankful right now I’m only doing school // work // relationships // making life plans . . . but I find that within me there is this growing pressure to know what I want out of life after this. After all, so much of our college careers are wrapped up in that question. Sometimes, it is hard to ignore.
I find that all I want, all I’ve ever really wanted was to be an artist. I want to create. To feel. To be curious (always). And to not shrink back from challenges.
If college has done one thing for me, it has given me a sense of possibility. Each and everyday, us kids are bombarded by possibility and just all we could do if there were more hours in a day// if we were more talented//etc.
I find that I’m dissatisfied by my work and how I spend my days unless I’m touching // molding // and creating things with my mind // my eyes and most of all, my hands.
I find that I want to do. . . I want to do everything and cannot comfortably (*just) learn without actually doing.
I’m certainly a work in progress, but I’m enjoying the process for the most part. . .
[Photo: Swallowed in the sea. Depock beach, Indonesia//Grace Farson]
Each week of this semester has seemed to go by faster than the week before. Currently the only things that occupies my dreams are a good night’s sleep and a fresh salad. Those are the two things I’m craving the most in life. . . And exercise. My body needs to move, but thanks to this lovely foot problem I cannot move as I would like to! Tired of the dr. appointments and the constant referrals, but I know my time will come again and I can be free from it all!
Today was the first Saturday in a long time I was up at 6. Today = two jobs back to back, trying to squeeze a good deal of hw in there, and most of all, making life plans and connections.
I set a new goal for myself at the start of the semester and it was this –
Learn something NEW every weekend.
So far, I’ve tried to learn poker, how to skip stones, etc . . . and this weekend, I’m going to try and learn how to nap. One of the great and constant struggles I’ve faced for 21 years.
This week will be one of perseverance, little sleep, and (*hopefully some) crazy productivity. I’m certain there will be moments. . . but it’s okay.
Websites will be made, papers will be finished, and midterms will be taken! Have a happy Saturday!
+ Watch. This video about stress.
[Photo: What sleep looked like this summer in Varanasi//Grace Farson]
| A new haircut and color | Dressing up and going on a real date | Eating something other than curry | Same house//new room | Messes everywhere |Lost keys//lost things | Excited students everywhere with big plans and even bigger hopes | All the futile attempts to appear older, wiser, smarter, or just plain cooler | Job schedules//job hunting | Dance party in Ora‘s room | Cuddles | Late night conversations about summer injuries | Night cookies | Trying to avoid most gluten and dairy, just for the sake of a new challenge |
Overall, it feels good to be back.
It feels good to come back after this wild summer and have a plan. And a simple one at that – stay in school.
Classes start tomorrow and even though I’m far from ready, I feel that this will be a semester to remember.
[Photos: Sunday night, Carrboro//Grace Farson]
Another *academic year DONE.
I just turned in my final paper, and it feels so good.
This year has been one adventure, but the greatest successes of all have been the moments when I feel I belong. For the first time in two big years, I feel that I finally found a place and felt good here. The feeling doesn’t last forever, but it happens periodically and it’s always welcomed.
There is still no TIME now that it’s all over, but life is good (*minus the constant cold, rainy weather).
Tomorrow we leave for Pennsylvania to rest, read, and recover from the madness of a long school year! For some of us, this is our last chance to prepare for moving, graduating, or traveling and it’s going to be epic. It’s the first time we’re all together and don’t have to pack tents, sleeping bags, and unnecessarily warm clothes.
About to go to my last day of work until August and then. . .more packing. . .
But, for NOW, it’s time to focus on getting back HERE!
“I wanted a perfect ending. Now I’ve learned, the hard way, that some poems don’t rhyme, and some stories don’t have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what’s going to happen next.
Delicious Ambiguity.” – Gilda Radner
THANKS EVERYONE FOR MAKING THIS SEASON OF LIFE WHAT IT HAS BEEN.
I’m forever grateful.
[Photos: Scanned Polaroids taken over the course of this school year//Grace Farson]
Katie is graduating on Sunday and then she is moving to Amsterdam!
Plus, she’s one incredibly photogenic person!
[Photos: Katie portraits//Grace Farson]
GRACE FARSON 