I recently got around to developing an old roll of film.
This is some of what I found –> late summer trip to Wilmington and images of a marathon.
It is amazing how our brains choose to remember only bits and pieces of days months ago. I forgot all about how green the grass was there, how J looked an awful lot like Lincoln then, and how I broke my shoes that night while running to get watermelon.
I’m increasingly anxious and excited for this summer, for warmer days, and finding the balance between making and not making plans.
There is something beautiful about all scars of whatever nature. A scar means the hurt is over, the wound is closed and healed, done with. -Harry Crews
Today is the first day in a very long time where I feel back to myself. My morning started off with little sleep, an avocado, a yoga class, a seemingly endless but beautiful meal, meditation in a quiet space, and some poetry. It’s nice to have a new start, new perspective, and new found health.
Excited for this weekend and for discovering new and old things each and everyday (*like old photos of strange days in quiet places).
Brother Sam and Idrove back to CH//Carrboro yesterday. I got back and immediately tore apart my room, and made a bigger mess of everything than before. Hours later, a new room emerged and I collapsed in bed.
I fell asleep early and woke up feeling like a lot of things were possible this morning. Today has already been filled entirely with being BACK. Back to the mess, the fun, the long walks in the rain, the printing, the physical therapy and doctors appointments, the long chats with advisers, and the trying to get organized.
I took this photo of the taco truck beside my house last semester. I like this place and like taking photos with my film camera(s).
It feels good to be back. Even in the rain, the mud, and the quiet.
I have no idea what this season will bring. I feel that half of me has never been more ready and the other half is protesting . . . everything.
“Living is like tearing through a museum. Not until later do you really start absorbing what you saw, thinking about it, looking it up in a book, and remembering – because you can’t take it in all at once.” – Audrey Hepburn
Last night after work, I went home, ate a cupcake and then started cleaning out my life. I’m not a particularly clean or organized person (*something I often blame on my artistic temperament or something), but I do go through phases when all I want to do is clean. I didn’t get to a good stopping point until this morning and already feel the need to do a second great cleanse.
Partially motivated by fear that I am hoarder, last night’s cleanse left me feeling a new wave of motivation and inspiration. Like all hoarders, I’m nostalgic as anything and in part I think that’s why I take pictures and keep extensive journals // lists.
“Memories mean more to me than dresses.” – Anne Frank
Last night, I even got around to organizing some of my messy photo files too.
Last week, I finally got around to developing the last of the film I have been curious about from the summer last week. As a result, I’ve been flooded with memories of just how different my life looks and feels now than it did then. But, it’s good and for the first time in a long time, I’m not entirely paralyzed by my missing another place. I’m just here and here isn’t so bad. . . especially when life is clean and organized.
Happy first of November! It looks like this month will be:
Big book of contemporary poetry | hot tea | plans for next semester | work | other kind of work | one-hour-of-sleep-kind-of-days | celebrations | fending off the cold rain | confused by the weather all around | making connections | rediscovering what health looks like in winter | learning to love through distance and how to talk on skype and a phone | setting aside time for leisure|
Today’s rain makes me feel more exhausted than ever. Last night, I celebrated Halloween the best way I know how (by dressing up as a man*which turned out to be a very empowering, and fascinating couple of hours) and dancing with the good ones. This morning, after only a few heavy hours of sleep, I was back at it -> writing and editing an essay before a class where we learned how to make a decent souffle.
If the rest of November is anything like today, it will be filled with exciting times (*Phantogram tonight with brother Sam, Danny and Immy) and a lot of hard work. The rest of this weekend involves a few good meals, some projects, some essay-writing, and trying to remember how to correctly wear a sari.
The only thing one can give an artist is leisure in which to work. To give an artist leisure is actually to take part in his creation. -Ezra Pound