May it be

May it be the best and last semester (*and season spent in Chapel Hill)!

This morning, during coffee in bed with Rachel, I felt comforted and supported by the life I have lived here these past (*almost) four years. I’ve moved into a new place, I have paired down my life to the essentials, and I feel a new wave of energy.

I am ready to put in to practice being fully present. I am also ready to gone and away from here, but for now, I want to enjoy this. And all its simplicity.

“Limitation is the condition of our lives. What matters — what allows us to reach beyond ourselves, as we are, and push at the boundaries of our ability — is that we continue. But then everything depends on how we practice, what we practice.” – Glenn Kurtz

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Stars

“I’m awake; I am in the world-

I expect

no further assurance.

No protection, no promise.

Solace of the night sky,

the hardly moving

face of the clock.

I’m alone- all

my riches surround me.

I have a bed, a room.

I have a bed, a vase

of flowers beside it.

And a nightlight, a book.

I’m awake; I am safe.

The darkness like a shield, the dreams

put off, maybe

vanished forever.

And the day-

the unsatisfying morning that says

I am your future,

here is your cargo of sorrow:

Do you reject me? Do you mean

To send me away because I am not

full, in your word,

because you see

the black shape already implicit?

I will never be banished. I am the light,

your personal anguish and humiliation.

Do you dare

send me away as though

you were waiting for something better?

There is no better.

Only (for a short space)

the night sky like

a quarantine that sets you

apart from your task.

Only (softly, fiercely)

the stars shining. Here,

in the room, the bedroom.

Saying I was brave, I resisted,

I set myself on fire.

– Louise Glück, Stars

On feeling everything

I’m fairly certain I mean it when I say that I would rather feel everything than nothing at all. Even though feeling everything, the full magnitude and strength of every event and scenario, is incredibly scary and tough sometimes.

These days I’m learning how to reevaluate what matters and what holds meaning. I’m also learning a lot about uncertainty and the unknown.

“The unknown carries with it a mirror of all our deepest, most inexpressible wishes. The unknown is the fatal proposition that a face seen across the room will always hold out to the known.” – Alain de Botton, On Love.

The Road West

IMG_2033 IMG_2042 IMG_2043Just now settling back to life in NC after a wild week-long journey West.

From Monday – Monday, I was in Colorado and Utah. I took time off my normal life and routine here, packed my backpack and went with the full intention of some self-care. I left my computer and work at home, and traveled to a new state (Utah) for love and exploration and time in the wilderness.

I hiked,  snapped a few photos, and even chipped a tooth!

Enjoy this pink sky from a drive across I-70. More to come someday.


“It should not be denied… that being footloose has always exhilarated us. It is associated in our minds with escape from history and oppression and law and irksome obligations, with absolute freedom, and the road has always led West.” – Wallace Stegner


 

Tenderly

“Before I went to work we were under the olive tree and

you were doing what you called psych patient smoking

and you said, I don’t want to be Satan but will you join

me and we pulled up our shirts to rub bellies and yours

was so much flatter but filled with garden bread anyway

anyway up went our shirts, solar to solar plexus, and it

was a comforting ritual we daily did and I said, Let’s do

this for the rest of our lives. You said, You look lovely.

It’s hard to remember tender things tenderly.”

Bough Down, Karen Green