Best of all things are the lights in the sky
but what I am seeking is sleep.
Or not sleep exactly,
because of the dreams and the damage they do,
but places to sleep, on the ground,
in the middles of cities that are strange to me:
cots that cost nothing, whatever the slant,
spots that are mine at nightfall,
favorable places the size of my body,
where grass grows out of the brickwork,
under the stars or the lights of the tunnels.
– Thomas Frick
I wished I had said more in a three hour presentation . . .
or at least I wished I shared more of my true feelings.
I wished I followed my instincts more.
I wished I had a dog to take on walks.
I wished I was Indian.
I wished I had a child.
I wished I went swimming.
I wished I always walked places.
I wished I was back to work at this dark desk in Delhi.
I wished I was the couple making out in the grocery store parking lot.
I wished I had more days like these where I crossed most things off my list.
I wished all the things that seemed urgent and scary at the time were put into perspective.
I wished (for a moment) I was the girl on the bike pretending she was really on a motorcycle.
Then, I stopped.
I stopped wishing.
I wanted to be me.
Walking home on a hurt foot and with a backpack too heavy.
Always with too many feelings. Troubles. Ambitions.
But I’m all I know right now.
All I know is now.
And today taught me this.
I only took three photos at home this weekend.
These three and that’s all. . .
Time at home was beautiful, rowdy, and as always . . . too short.
I woke up this morning at seven knowing that today was going to be big, good, and most of all productive. It feels better than good to have days like these because in all honesty, I think I was actually able to do more than I thought possible. I had meetings, spent a little time with Amirah, went to all my classes [*even got to watch this fantastic movie in class], went on a long walk, ran five miles and joined a running club, and saw one of the most beautiful sunsets I’ve seen in a long while.
It’s days like these where all the pretty people and sights come out and tempt the world with beauty.
little firework, little
not-my-own, soon enough
the non-world we’ve been steering for
from the start: colorless, stripped of motion, all those
pleasures you knew so well how to give to others
I can hear you say, what world
was that – Carl Phillips
[Photos: Abby’s birthday dinner_Salade Nicoise//Grace Farson]
*It’s the LAST DAY OF CLASS y’all! One more project and I’ve only got two finals left. . .
* The cute little girl on the bus getting her lollipop stuck on my felt blazer and then shoving it back in her mouth
* Two cups of the world’s greatest homemade coffee
* Getting back to teaching yoga again (*Yesterday, I taught for the first time all semester and I have forgotten just how much I’ve missed teaching. Still thinking about it in fact. . . )
*The reminder that everything is going to be okay!
*Dress weather when it gets cold as the day goes on. . . These hot afternoons get me worried about the planet too. . .
* HW up to the last day of classes
* Two finals due in one day AND on LDOC
*The scary little sleep I’ve been working on these past few days. . .
C’est tout for now. . .
[Photo: Carrboro//Grace Farson]
+ Facebook still be blowin up! This was the best of the day after the election-related photos found on fb though. . .
+ Also funny
+ I cut my hair this afternoon and didn’t realize how much I cut off until i looked in the trash. I decided to embrace my hair’s natural inclination towards 80’s blowout. *Note: It’s nothing too extreme.
+ Best of the week: New Age Family Dinner last night – We drank soup off the table, tried to adhere to a Paleo diet, and even played a few rounds of Spoons.
+ Also, I’m going to start teaching yoga again. I’m beyond pumped. To say I’ve missed it is an understatement.
[Photos: Nicole, Amirah, Jen + my glorious afternoon at this fancy resort’s pool//Grace Farson]
+ How to spend my summer. . . It’s endless. . . overwhelming. . . exciting
+ List -> poetry
+ This puppeh. I’m in love
+ America. Today in history. Voting.
+ Early morning coffee makes my whole being happy
+ I want to learn how to play chinloe.
+ The leaves fell too quickly this year
+ Found sounds // the sounds we hear everyday and think nothing of
+ People in cars. Andrew Bush’s brilliance.
+ I need to sweat more. I’m in cold weather hibernation mode these days – I store up food, wear socks and sleep (a lot)
+ This book makes me laugh
[Photo: Outside my door, Udaipur//Grace Farson]
“After great pain a formal feeling comes–
The nerves sit ceremonious like tombs;
The stiff Heart questions–was it He that bore?
And yesterday–or centuries before?
The feet, mechanical, go round
A wooden way
Of ground, or air, or ought,
A quartz contentment, like a stone.
This is the hour of lead
Remembered if outlived,
As freezing persons recollect the snow–
First chill, then stupor, then the letting go.”
– Emily Dickinson
Today I woke up at 5. I showered for the first time in days. I wrote a poem entitled “Famous Skin.” I rode on a bus. I carried two back-breakingly heavy bags around for 13 hours straight. I had a test in Hindi. I acted in a short film. I danced to Burmese rap. I tried being fully here. I went to a memorial service for a UNC student. I heard bad news. I ate a stale salad. I drank hot water. And all I really want in life is sleep.
[Photo: A UNC night // Grace Farson]