All I know is now

Today.

I wished I had said more in a three hour presentation . . .

or at least I wished I shared more of my true feelings.

I wished I followed my instincts more.

I wished I had a dog to take on walks.

I wished I was Indian.

I wished I had a child.

I wished I went swimming.

I wished I always walked places.

I wished I was back to work at this dark desk in Delhi.

I wished I was the couple making out in the grocery store parking lot.

I wished I had more days like these where I crossed most things off my list.

I wished all the things that seemed urgent and scary at the time were put into perspective.

I wished (for a moment) I was the girl on the bike pretending she was really on a motorcycle.

Then, I stopped.

I stopped wishing.

I wanted to be me.

Walking home on a hurt foot and with a backpack too heavy.

Always with too many feelings. Troubles. Ambitions.

But I’m all I know right now.

All I know is now.

And today taught me this.

Resolve

“Resolve never to quit, never to give up, no matter what the situation” Jack Nicklaus

[Photo: Mornings in Brighton//Grace Farson]

Work hard | Play hard

Day off (*sorta).

Day off at school // Day on at work.

An almost four-day weekend = a glorious blessing. I’ve worked a lot, read a fair amount, seen friends I haven’t seen in a while, made a lot of late night food, surprised him, stayed up late, watched movies, learned to play poker, and thought a lot about hair. 

“Looking beyond life’s imperfections allows one to be able to find happiness. Life is not perfect, ever. For me, remembering that life is flawed, people are flawed, and therefore relationships are flawed, allows me to look at the flaws and imperfections as part of life itself. A perfect life includes all of the flaws associated with what and who you surround yourself with. My life and my means of living it are no exception. I was, as all people are, flawed. I accepted myself as being flawed no differently than I accepted others as being so.”

– Scott Hildreth

[Photo: What some of the work I do looks like//Grace Farson]

There is a place

There is this place in Nepal . . .

a place where time stands still, life is full of adventures both big and small, and people pass time by sitting//watching//gossiping// drinking tea//dancing and wrestling in the mud.

The place is Letang. And it is one crazy, special place. A place I find very difficult to describe or understand.

The internet these days is slower than ever these days and it is hard to begin to recollect these past few days. The journey back from Kathmandu was far more manageable than the journey there and I felt that part of me was missing while I was away.

As I write this now, I’m squinting, feeling better at last, but near-blind from a game of handball (*in a muddy rice paddy) yesterday. I gave myself over to the game and was left blind in one eye and covered head-to-toe in dark mud.

The days here are happy. We tend to loose count of the days and have little desire or intention to check our watches. It is a good way to live and I feel that I could keep doing this for a long, long time.

“Out beyond ideas

of wrongdoing and rightdoing,

there is a field.

I’ll meet you there.”

– Jelaluddin Rumi, 13th century

For now, I am thankful for this life. Thankful for these experiences and the lessons I have learned. Lessons learned about this place, this country,  human kind, and most of all, lessons about myself. I find that in living like this, in traveling, I come to better know myself. And even though it can be far from pleasant at times, it’s necessary, needed.

Until that next time. I never know when it could be. . .

[Photo: Outside. Letang//Grace Farson]

Shakti//Power

On the days we work in the field, life looks a bit like this. . .

Work in this heat isn’t easy (especially when everything is on fire), but on good days, the Nepali army even comes to help.

We have created a song about sweat (tato pascina)  and sing it with the kiddos here, who also come to help as we work. . .

x

[Photos: Working on the children’s park, Letang//Grace Farson]

What life looks like these days

Bright. Beautiful. Big.

Our days are full of adventures -> in a new place -> in a new language -> in the heat -> in fields -> in forests . . .

And I couldn’t ask for much more than that right now.

“I carry your heart with me (I carry it in my heart)I am never without it (anywhere
I go you go,my dear; and whatever is done by only me is your doing,my darling)
I fear no fate (for you are my fate,my sweet)I want no world (for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart

I carry your heart (I carry it in my heart)” – e. e. Cummings

[Photos: Around Letang, Nepal//Grace Farson]

Here

Made it to Letang in the Morang district.

This is home for the next two months. And within the first few moments here, I knew I could stay happily for most of a lifetime. The town is surrounded by gorgeous hills (*mountains in my world//hills in Nepal) and palm tree forests.

I’ve missed the Terai and it feels good to be back.

It is not surprisingly hot here, very hot, but we’re surviving//staying busy//trying new things. And I have nothing to complain about. My health has come back and I’m feeling incredibly satisfied by the endless dal bhat and masala tea.

Yesterday, we cleaned the ECCA office and officially opened it up for business, went to a school and weeded a garden, danced, met a lot of mothers, went for a walk. . .

After all that, I decided to ignore the strange looks and went running up a mountain. I was chased around town by little kiddos screaming “hello didi!!!” and a herd of goats.

The night ended with a card games and even more dancing.

I’m currently sitting in the heat, dealing with the sweat and relaxing after a heavy meal and a day at the school. Today, the five of us were all proctors at an essay competition, also sponsored by ECCA.

Each day is a surprise (*riots in the street // spontaneous water shortages and power cuts// kids who can immidate a dark bark perfectly. . .), but I feel very alive. Content.

We laugh a lot these days and bond over the quiet as well as the moments when we’re not sure of anything at all . . .

[Photo: Letang community, Nepal//Grace Farson]